The Vicar would like to thank all those who supported him in this event in aid of Arthritis Research. £450 has been sent – but you may still give, if you so wish.

Some of us may remember a time when it was possible to drive to the school without grounding our car or removing our exhaust. The school staff, governors and parents have tried repeatedly to persuade the owner of the lane to the school, Jeremy Lucas, to do something (anything!) to either remove or improve the dreaded humps, without success.

The school is now in the intolerable position of either doing nothing, and running the real risk of serious injury being caused or the emergency services being unable to use the lane, or taking expensive legal advice to establish what if anything we can do ourselves, or get Mr Lucas to do. One simple solution would be for Jeremy Lucas to give us his permission to remove the humps, without making the school legally liable for the maintenance of the lane.

There have been inumerable visits to inspect the humps by advisers from the LEA, the press and others, all of whom agree that the humps are ridiculous. But none of them has been able to suggest what we can do.

The wasted time and anguish these humps have caused over the years is beyond a joke -

Friday 21st December 7 - 7.30 pm. The children from St Andrew’s School will finish their carol singing at the pub. Contact Trish Gilbey at the School to request your favourite carol.

Christmas Eve - Mulled wine. Open til 1 am.

Christmas Day - A sumptuous Christmas banquet, with champagne and presents for all. Still a few places left.

New Year’s Eve. Fancy Dress Party til 2 am. Champagne and buffet. £15.

Monday 7th January - Pub Quiz

Starting Thursday 10th January - Jam nights every other Thursday. All musicians welcome.

For further details and bookings

call David Yates on 01787 227 405

This year's Poppy Appeal raised £1,043.13 between the two villages. Wormingford's contribution included £333.97 in House to House Collections and £211.80 from the Church collection.

My very grateful thanks to all who collected and contributed.

This is my last year as Organiser for Wormingford and Fordham: Next year Mrs Lindsey from Jenkins Farm will be in charge.

None but the most fervent church-goer would dream of sitting through a two hour sermon, yet a large and attentive congregation / audience did just that on Saturday night and even paid £5 each for the experience.

The occasion was a talk by Rev. Michael Whawell on bells given to mark St Andrew's Day in Wormingford church. Michael had originally prepared the illustrated talk for an Ecclesiastical conference in Denton in May and was persuaded to give a repeat performance in Wormingford.

It was an extremely wide-ranging talk starting with biblical bells which, strangely, get only two mentions in the Bible; bells in history, the curfew bell introduced by William the Conqueror; bells confiscated by Henry VIII and melted down for coinage; how bells are made (13 parts bronze to 3 parts iron) and their tuning and sounding; fire engine bells, police car bells, the famous Lutine Bell; boxing bells, even train bells (who has not seen the old wood-burning engines in wild west films approaching the station with its bell clanging?)

Michael confessed to his audience that when a new electric fire alarm system was installed in The Royal Victoria Hospital, Bournemouth the original brass handbell which stood on a table outside his office was ‘liberated’ and now resides in Wormingford Vicarage!

The talk was liberally interspersed with anecdotes, readings from poetry and novels, and of course music. During the evening Michael managed to assemble an impressive supporting cast of musicians and writers such as Cleo Lame and Johnnie Dankworth, Herbie Flowers, Henry Purcell, John Betjeman, Victor Hugo and Dorothy L. Sayers

The £5 also included a superb wine buffet organised by members of the congregation. All in all an extremely enjoyable evening, but credit must go to Michael for all his time in research and his informed and relaxed presentation.

1. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

2. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

3. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

4. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

5. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

6. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

7. Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

8. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

9. There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. "Amen!!!"

10. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

11. I am a nutritional overachiever.

12. I am having an out-of-money experience.

13. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

14. Practice safe eating-always use condiments.

15. A day without sunshine is like night.

16. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

17. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

18. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

19. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

20. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

21. Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

22. We secure our friends not by accepting favours but by doing them.

23. And this one is the real truth, so pay attention: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.